Resetting the Frumpy Muslim Mindset

One thing I love about Muslim clothing is it's lack of shaping and complicated fitting.  Yes, there are more Western inspired styles coming out that have more fitted shapes, but let's face it.  The more you need to fit your clothes, the less it fulfills the requirements of hijab.  Clothing is supposed to cover us.  Hide not just our skin, but also our shape.  And less fitting means it is easier to sew and design.

But for some, the lack of fitting and shape brings up other concerns.  Recently, Old School Hijabi did a post about a question she received about not looking "scruffy".  I have my own history on this issue.  When I saw her call for ideas on this issue, I thought long and hard.  Too long, as I missed getting to have any input on her blog or Facebook page.  So, instead I thought I would write about my thoughts here.

First of all, in my opinion, the commenter probably meant the word, "frumpy".  When I started wearing hijab, I had a big problem with that and still sometimes do. 

There are many, many photos floating around the internet where a hijabi looks so graceful and lovely clothed in an abaya that is created from yards of loose fabric.  She is twirling on a pair of stiletto heels and her makeup and jewelry are to be envied.  She looks angelic and pious and sexy all at the same time.  And most importantly, for that frozen moment in time, she looks like everything we, as Muslim woman, want to be.

How many of us long to feel in our clothes the way that looking at those pictures makes us feel?  

But for a lot of us, the truth is closer to feeling like wearing a garbage bag or a tent.  Not really the glamorous feeling we were hoping for from looking at the pictures.  

Why is this?  Why is it that one woman can look so beautiful in yards of fabric, caught in a moment in time?

Right there, I think, is the first reason.  She is caught at one moment in time.  She isn't wearing these clothes all day long, chasing after children, doing the laundry, sitting at a desk, rolling over the hem of her long flowing abaya (I have done this before!)  The picture was probably taken at a photo shoot, where 10 seconds before someone was arranging her hijab, her skirt, her yards of flowing fabric.  And the wince she had on her face from her stiletto heels was magically transformed into a smile for the camera.  

Pictures are a frozen moment, often set up to give the viewer a certain impression.  Even if they are a snapshot of real life, the real life that is ultimately shared with people is the one that the photographer wanted to share with you.  S/he didn't publish all the shots where the model/subject's make-up was smeared.  Or where she was tripping over her hem.  Or where the bulge of her love handles was showing.  Real life is subjective in a photograph.  As real woman we need to remember that.  Real life is constantly moving.  Not stuck in a perfect moment.

The other reason I believe so many reverts feel "frumpy" in their new fashion style is simply because they were not raised in it.  This became clear to me when I read Old School Hijabi's post about chadors (this is her old blog, check out her new one here) and she mentions that little girls have "play chadors".  By playing in these pint-sized chadors, they learn how to wear them.  The learn how the fabric moves, how to move it and manipulate it.  They watch their mother and grandmother and other women wearing them and imitate how they move in them.  The chadors become second nature to them.  When they become women and start to wear the chador as a normal everyday garment, they are already accustomed to how it feels.

Reverts have no experience with Muslim style clothing.  There is nothing comparable in Western dress to chadors, French jilbebs, abayas.  Except maybe the old-fashioned house dress AKA mu-mu, which most women avoid like the plague.  Otherwise, there really are no items of clothing that most of us are used to wearing that prepare us for the unstructured, flowing cut and feel of Muslim clothing.

There really is no cure for this problem except to just plow through it.  Find clothing you ADORE.  But expect to feel awkward in it at first.  Perhaps practice wearing it around the house for awhile before venturing out into public.  Choose your public appearances carefully for a garment you are not comfortable in yet.  

Practice is the only way to get comfortable.  I remember when I was a new Muslimah and I was ALWAYS having trouble with my headscarf.  I used about 10 pins (I now only use 2).  It was always sliding.  After an hour I would hair sticking out everywhere.  It was terrible.  Now it is different.  I still have "bad hijab days", but mostly I don't even think about it during the day.  It is just part of my normal clothing.

When I started wearing abayas, it was a whole new learning process again.  One I never mastered.  I ended up adjusting my personal style to adapt.  I shorten all my abayas to calf length and wear them with loose pants.  I got sick of tripping over my hem constantly.  So, if a style doesn't work for you, adapt it.  Islam is not a hardship.  We have rules for our clothing, but there is a lot of leeway within them.  Find what works for you. 

I found this online.  An important reminder that we could use in the USA with the recent maxi skirt trend.

When I started wearing the French jilbeb, once again, I needed to learn.  I still have problems wearing it.  I have trouble keeping it on my head.  I am constantly sitting on it and pulling it backward.  I dislike the "Cardassian" neck look it gives me.  (Remember the Cardassians from Star Trek?)  I wish the elastic in the sleeves wasn't so well made so I could remove it as it is too small for me.  Learning curve.  Learning what works and what doesn't and how to deal with the garment in general.

What a French jilbeb looks like.

What I think I look like when I look in the mirror while wearing one.

For reverts I recommend adapting your wardrobe slowly, as you are comfortable.  If you dive in and try to change everything at once, you will most likely feel uncomfortable, unsatisfied, and unattractive.  This type of situation has led many a revert to abandon their new style of clothing, and sometimes, even their new faith.

You will find that as your faith grows, so will your desire to cover yourself.  Parts you never paid attention to in the past, will now feel embarrassing to reveal even though everyone you know does so.  Allah will be working on your heart.  

I felt I had to cover my hair right away.  But it wasn't until later that I felt I needed to cover my ears, then my neck, and then the underside of my chin.  The same happened with the rest of my clothing.  Ankle-length skirts were fine at first.  Now I would never even show the shape of my ankles.

Of course there are reverts that dive in and are fully committed.  I know a wonderful Muslimah who even started wearing all black and the niqab not long after her reversion.  And she has never looked back!  But most of us aren't like that.  And we should never hold ourselves to someone else's standard.  We are as Allah made us and as He wishes us to be.  Be patient and merciful with yourself, as Allah is patient and merciful with you.

On this blog I have many economical and easy ways to incorporate Muslim clothing into your wardrobe.  Just one piece can offer you many new outfits and ways to show your Muslim identity.  Check them out!

• 15 Ways to Have New Clothes for Eid with Little $ or Time
• Refashion: Scarf Tunic
• Refashion: 15 Minute Kaftan

Watch for many more.  This is my favorite kind of post to write!

So after a lot of thought, I decided that "frumpy" (or "scruffy") is actually all in your head.  It is a feeling that is based on what clothing we are the most comfortable in.  To get out of the "frumpy" mindset, you need to slowly incorporate new clothing into your existing wardrobe and give yourself time to adjust to them.  Take time to learn the special skills need to wear them and feel confident.  Take time to learn to appreciate your new silhouette and style as one given by Allah, not 5th Ave.  Don't stop looking at those beautiful hijabi pics.  Just don't expect them to be reality.  Use them to learn and reset your view of beauty.  

You may still look "frumpy" to your friends and family.  But remember that they have different goals for wearing clothing than you do.  Non-Muslims wear clothes to impress people.  To show off their bodies.  For comfort.  Lots of reasons.  As Muslims we wear our clothing to please Allah.  Regardless of other trivial concerns.  For in the life of a Muslimah, Allah is what matters most of all.

Refashion: Scarf Tunic

Hijabis end up with LOTS of scarves.  We buy them because we need them.  We buy them because we want them.  We buy them because we can't pass up such a good deal.  We buy them for that special event.  We buy them because we want to try a new wrapping style and need a new shape, print, fabric, etc. to accomplish it.  We are given them by friends and family cleaning out their closets.  We find them at thrift shops and figure someone could use it, even if we don't care for it.  We make them from a cool tutorial we found on the internet and just had to try.  We buy them because it is a new season.  (Spring and fall always do that to me!)  We buy them to match a new outfit.  We buy them because when you wear them everyday, they are the first thing people notice about you.  And few women like to wear the same thing everyday.  Since they are much less expensive than actual clothes, it is possible to have an entire wardrobe of scarves and just a few jilbabs and still look like you rarely wear the same thing.   

Since we end up acquiring so many, and really only have a few favorites we wear on a regular basis, we are left with quite a few that sit there unused, unloved, forgotten.  Just waiting for their owner to have some inspiration on how they can be put into service again.  Here is one idea... sew a scarf tunic.   

This is very similar to my last tutorial, Refashion: 15 Minute Kaftan.  In that one, you took a dupatta, folded it in half, sewed up the sides, and cut a neck hole to make a garment.  In this one, you combine two square scarves to be the front and back of your garment to make a scarf tunic.  So this time you will need to sew along the shoulders as well, but you will have a finished neck hole without any work.

MATERIALS:

2 scarves (see below for a discussion on size, etc.)

thread

scissors

sewing machine

INSTRUCTIONS:

1.

Choose your scarves.  I chose two 35" square scarves with matching patterns.  But why limit yourself and be like me?  The first thing to consider when choosing your scarves is size.  The width of the scarves will be half the circumference of your garment.  So combined, the width of both scarves must equal a measurement larger than the widest section of your torso.  That is usually your bust or your hips.  For me it is my hips, ugh!

Measurements labeled B and F are the only ones you need for this project.

  Remember when you measure yourself to measure while sitting down.  Your measurements can change dramatically while sitting, especially your hips, but your bust also.  Trust me.  I learned this lesson the hard way.  The first time I sat in an outfit I measured only while standing, I split the sides!  What a waste of time, fabric, and hope.

Everyone knows that when you try on jeans you need to sit down in them to make sure you won't pass out, LOL!  Same here.  But no passing out.  If you are a slim gal, you probably don't need to worry about this as any scarves large enough for this project should be plenty big for you.  But if you are plus sized, you need to make sure your scarves will give you enough room.  New clothes are no joy if you have to worry about how they fit.  Swallow any guilt you may have and remember that there is no "size" for this garment since you are making it yourself.  It is made in the size that Allah made you.

So make sure you choose scarves whose combined widths equal the measurement around the widest part of your body (bust or hips).

Important also is the length.  I made this using square scarves, but there is no reason you couldn't use rectangles and have the tunic be longer, more like a kaftan.  Or even have different lengths!  Longer in back and shorter in front?  Go wild!

Next you need to think of pattern/color.  I used two turkish style square "satin" (not real satin by any stretch of the imagination) scarves.  Most of these style scarves are patterned.  I chose two that were identical, but next time I want to mix it up!  Mix two different patterns but same colors.  Or have a patterned one for the front and a coordinating solid for the back.  

This is a real Hermes scarf.  I wouldn't recommend using anything like this.  But the shape and idea is the same.

The materials you use can affect your look.  Satin is a bit more dressy.  Cotton will be more casual and sporty.  Also, be aware of your hijab.  Be careful of fabrics that are see through or too clingy.  Also of size.  You want it to be baggy enough to be modest.  I like to wear a loose chain belt over it to help avoid the "garbage bag" syndrome.  If you have smaller waist than bust/hips, you will probably want to give it a little shape with a belt or a cardigan over it.  Length is also important.  You want to make sure your arwa is covered, if this is the longest garment you have on.  Of course, you could make it shorter and layer it.  But if not, make sure if covers past your crotch.  A 35" square covered me fine, but I am only 5'4".  So keep that in mind.

2.  

Make it.  

It is really that easy.  Do I need to say more?

OK, I will go through the steps since this really isn't a tutorial without them.  ;)

Pin the sides together (right sides together), stopping 10" from one edge for the arm holes.  Then, on the other side of that open edge, around the corner, pin shut leaving 10" open in the center for your head.  Now, wherever you pinned,sew it.  Now you are done.  Cut your strings and try it on!

Sew where the yellow lines are.  Easy peasy!

See, even easier than the dupatta kaftan!  You didn't believe me, did you?

NOTES:

If you don't have a sewing machine, you could hand sew this easily.  It will just take longer. Whip stitch along the edges of the scarf using small stitches for strength.

Do not try using any "no-sew" techniques like iron on tape or fabric glue.  I tried.  The seams popped open when I sat down.  There just is not enough strength in any of those methods to put up with the stress a garment goes through at the seams of the bust and hips.

And here are my pics!

 Worn just plain.  Warning!  Garbage bag look.  Not good on me.

 Much better with a loose chain belt.  Not too tight that it negates my hijab.  

 My favorite way it wear it is layered.  This is under my favorite jean jacket.

 More jean jacket.

Under a cardigan.  An easy way to add length while layering.

My favorite way to wear a scarf tunic is layering it.  Here you see winter layering.  A turtleneck and a jacket or cardigan.  But it can work in summer as well.  A long sleeve t-shirt underneath or a light jacket or cardigan on top.  I would choose one of the other in hot weather.  But this is a fun, easy, inexpensive way to add length from the waist in a Western wardrobe.  Perfect for new hijabis!

Refashion: 15 Minute Kaftan

I love dupattas because of their beautiful colors, fabrics and decorations!  But I do not like to wear them on my head.  There is just too much fabric there.  I am not good at wrapping them and normally end up with a wad of wrapped fabric at my throat choking me!  I hate that.  

So I have all these amazing dupattas I kept telling myself I should resell but I just couldn't do it.  Then I thought up this idea... making them into a kaftan.

This project literally can take you 15 minutes.  This isn't one of those internet promises where the person claiming it is a way more experienced crafter or just suffers from what my family calls "time fantasies".  This literally took me 15 minutes this morning. 

BUT, you must have the right materials and the right kind of fabric for it to be a 15 minute project.  Otherwise it could be longer.

You are basically sewing up the sides of a large dupatta, leaving openings for arms, and cutting a hole for the neck.  Viola.  That is it.  You probably don't even need to keep reading.

A dupatta is a type of veil worn mainly in India, Pakistan, Nepal, Sri Lanka, and Bangladesh.  They are extremely beautiful, being very colorful and/or richly embroidered and/or beaded.  Usually they are of quite thin fabric since the areas where they are from are commonly quite hot.  But they also come in thicker fabrics like woven wool as it can be quite cold in the mountains in the winter.

I have bought all of my dupattas off of eBay (except the pink one I used here, that was a gift from a friend).  There are some nice sellers that specialize in selling vintage items from India.  I have gotten dupattas for only $7 apiece for simpler ones and even as little as $25 for very fancy ones.

CBazaar is another affordable place to buy dupattas.  I have never purchased from them and cannot comment on their service.  If you have dealt with them or have any other good sources, please share in the comments.

Dupattas are not always worn as hijab. Meaning they are not always worn to conceal what a hijabi wants to conceal.  Many of them are thin fabric that can become form fitting (especially as a kaftan) or are see through.  So keep that in mind when buying them or planning how you will wear them.  A see through one may be beautiful over a long-sleeved, full-length abaya but not so much over a shirt and pants.  One that is thin and hugs your curves too much may work if worn under a long cardigan and layered.

Dupattas normally are part of a pants set called a Salwar Kameez.  The Salwar are loose cotton pants worn under the Kameez, which is a tunic (or longer) length top.  The dupatta is then worn draped alternately around the head, shoulders, arms and chest. 

In Pakistan and India, it is seen as rude to have your hair uncovered in public for men and women, though this is not followed as much by the younger generations.  Normally, a woman would tie/keep her hair back and loosely cover it with her dupatta or she may just wear it as a shawl draped loosely over her arms and shoulders.  If she were Muslim and more conservative, she would wrap her dupatta so her hair and neck couldn't be seen at all, to fulfill the requirements of hijab.

15 Minute Kaftan

Materials:

1 dupatta (make sure you have one wide enough to generously fit your body and long enough for the length you want.)

thread

sewing machine

scissors

Instructions:

Fold the dupatta lengthwise in half.  It should be wide enough for a loose garment and long enough as well.  I like knee length and they are normally perfect for that.  If you want a dress length, you will have to look for a longer dupatta.

Sew up each side starting at the bottom, stopping 10 inches below the fold.  That is your arm hole.  Do the same on the opposite side.

Fold in half widthwise.  Measure 4 inches out from the folded point along the folded edge at the top.  Mark the spot on each side.  Mark 3 1/2 inches down from the center point.  Fold all the markings together, making a triangle point.  Cut from one mark to the other.  You now have a neck hole.

There are two important details which make this a 15 minute project.  The first is that you plan to wear it under a hijab, so the neckline will be hidden.

Second it that the fabric is a kind that doesn't unravel easy.  Many dupatta are made out of a thin polyester.  These are perfect.  The edges do not unravel easily and can be finished by burning them with a lighter.  Of course, this doesn't look the prettiest, but it works and won't be seen with a hijab.

Other dupattas, especially cotton ones, will unravel and present more of a problem.  Then it isn't a 15 minute project anymore.

If you have the right kind and don't mind the "unfinished" neckline, you are done!

See the fun beaded edge along the bottom?

If you want a more finished neckline, read on...

You have two options:

1.) A hand sewn, rolled hem.  This is actually very easy to do.  But I must admit that I have a lot of experience with hand sewing.  I once made a reproduction 1860's corset entirely sewn by hand.  So to me a hand rolled hem is nothing, but I do think it is fairly easy if you have some experience.  Here are some good instructions.  And a video:

2.) A bias tape covered hem.  You can buy double folded bias tape anywhere they sell sewing supplies.  I get mine at Walmart.  Here are instructions for doing this kind of neckline.

3.) A normal neckline is done by adding pieces called "facing" that fold along the seam and hang inside the garment. Normally the same fabric is used so the neckline looks finished and the facing is basically invisible.  In this case (since you don't have extra fabric), if you have some fabric scraps that blend (or don't, since your neckline will be hidden by your hijab) and are a similar weight fabric (that is important or the facing won't hang right), you can add in a facing to finish the neckline.  Here are instructions on how this works.  You do not need a pattern for cutting facing pieces.  Just trace the neckline as perfectly as you can.  Then cut a couple inches around the neckline.  You will be doing the facing in two pieces.  Sew the pieces together at the short ends (normally the top of the shoulder).  Then pin the neckline edge to the neckline of the kaftan.  Sew the neckline and facing together, right sides together.  Iron, folding the facing to the inside, wrong sides together.  Keep in mind that this method should only be used with opaque dupattas.  The facing will show through otherwise.  This video does a fantastic job of showing you how it works.

So now you have a new kaftan!  You can wear it as a house dress or layer it as a jilbab.  I love to wear them with loose pants and a turtleneck, a cardigan or jacket over the top.  In the summer they are a cool jilbab worn with loose cotton or linen pants and a long sleeved t-shirt or light cardigan.  And since they are so affordable, you can have a whole wardrobe of colorful overgarments!

Worn with a short-sleeved cardigan.  It looks even better when I wear a black turtleneck!

With a long. black vest over the top.  But one that wasn't long enough to wear on it's own.  In this way, I got to save a piece a clothing that normally I couldn't wear anymore!

With my favorite jean jacket.