Resetting the Frumpy Muslim Mindset

One thing I love about Muslim clothing is it's lack of shaping and complicated fitting.  Yes, there are more Western inspired styles coming out that have more fitted shapes, but let's face it.  The more you need to fit your clothes, the less it fulfills the requirements of hijab.  Clothing is supposed to cover us.  Hide not just our skin, but also our shape.  And less fitting means it is easier to sew and design.

But for some, the lack of fitting and shape brings up other concerns.  Recently, Old School Hijabi did a post about a question she received about not looking "scruffy".  I have my own history on this issue.  When I saw her call for ideas on this issue, I thought long and hard.  Too long, as I missed getting to have any input on her blog or Facebook page.  So, instead I thought I would write about my thoughts here.

First of all, in my opinion, the commenter probably meant the word, "frumpy".  When I started wearing hijab, I had a big problem with that and still sometimes do. 

There are many, many photos floating around the internet where a hijabi looks so graceful and lovely clothed in an abaya that is created from yards of loose fabric.  She is twirling on a pair of stiletto heels and her makeup and jewelry are to be envied.  She looks angelic and pious and sexy all at the same time.  And most importantly, for that frozen moment in time, she looks like everything we, as Muslim woman, want to be.

How many of us long to feel in our clothes the way that looking at those pictures makes us feel?  

But for a lot of us, the truth is closer to feeling like wearing a garbage bag or a tent.  Not really the glamorous feeling we were hoping for from looking at the pictures.  

Why is this?  Why is it that one woman can look so beautiful in yards of fabric, caught in a moment in time?

Right there, I think, is the first reason.  She is caught at one moment in time.  She isn't wearing these clothes all day long, chasing after children, doing the laundry, sitting at a desk, rolling over the hem of her long flowing abaya (I have done this before!)  The picture was probably taken at a photo shoot, where 10 seconds before someone was arranging her hijab, her skirt, her yards of flowing fabric.  And the wince she had on her face from her stiletto heels was magically transformed into a smile for the camera.  

Pictures are a frozen moment, often set up to give the viewer a certain impression.  Even if they are a snapshot of real life, the real life that is ultimately shared with people is the one that the photographer wanted to share with you.  S/he didn't publish all the shots where the model/subject's make-up was smeared.  Or where she was tripping over her hem.  Or where the bulge of her love handles was showing.  Real life is subjective in a photograph.  As real woman we need to remember that.  Real life is constantly moving.  Not stuck in a perfect moment.

The other reason I believe so many reverts feel "frumpy" in their new fashion style is simply because they were not raised in it.  This became clear to me when I read Old School Hijabi's post about chadors (this is her old blog, check out her new one here) and she mentions that little girls have "play chadors".  By playing in these pint-sized chadors, they learn how to wear them.  The learn how the fabric moves, how to move it and manipulate it.  They watch their mother and grandmother and other women wearing them and imitate how they move in them.  The chadors become second nature to them.  When they become women and start to wear the chador as a normal everyday garment, they are already accustomed to how it feels.

Reverts have no experience with Muslim style clothing.  There is nothing comparable in Western dress to chadors, French jilbebs, abayas.  Except maybe the old-fashioned house dress AKA mu-mu, which most women avoid like the plague.  Otherwise, there really are no items of clothing that most of us are used to wearing that prepare us for the unstructured, flowing cut and feel of Muslim clothing.

There really is no cure for this problem except to just plow through it.  Find clothing you ADORE.  But expect to feel awkward in it at first.  Perhaps practice wearing it around the house for awhile before venturing out into public.  Choose your public appearances carefully for a garment you are not comfortable in yet.  

Practice is the only way to get comfortable.  I remember when I was a new Muslimah and I was ALWAYS having trouble with my headscarf.  I used about 10 pins (I now only use 2).  It was always sliding.  After an hour I would hair sticking out everywhere.  It was terrible.  Now it is different.  I still have "bad hijab days", but mostly I don't even think about it during the day.  It is just part of my normal clothing.

When I started wearing abayas, it was a whole new learning process again.  One I never mastered.  I ended up adjusting my personal style to adapt.  I shorten all my abayas to calf length and wear them with loose pants.  I got sick of tripping over my hem constantly.  So, if a style doesn't work for you, adapt it.  Islam is not a hardship.  We have rules for our clothing, but there is a lot of leeway within them.  Find what works for you. 

I found this online.  An important reminder that we could use in the USA with the recent maxi skirt trend.

When I started wearing the French jilbeb, once again, I needed to learn.  I still have problems wearing it.  I have trouble keeping it on my head.  I am constantly sitting on it and pulling it backward.  I dislike the "Cardassian" neck look it gives me.  (Remember the Cardassians from Star Trek?)  I wish the elastic in the sleeves wasn't so well made so I could remove it as it is too small for me.  Learning curve.  Learning what works and what doesn't and how to deal with the garment in general.

What a French jilbeb looks like.

What I think I look like when I look in the mirror while wearing one.

For reverts I recommend adapting your wardrobe slowly, as you are comfortable.  If you dive in and try to change everything at once, you will most likely feel uncomfortable, unsatisfied, and unattractive.  This type of situation has led many a revert to abandon their new style of clothing, and sometimes, even their new faith.

You will find that as your faith grows, so will your desire to cover yourself.  Parts you never paid attention to in the past, will now feel embarrassing to reveal even though everyone you know does so.  Allah will be working on your heart.  

I felt I had to cover my hair right away.  But it wasn't until later that I felt I needed to cover my ears, then my neck, and then the underside of my chin.  The same happened with the rest of my clothing.  Ankle-length skirts were fine at first.  Now I would never even show the shape of my ankles.

Of course there are reverts that dive in and are fully committed.  I know a wonderful Muslimah who even started wearing all black and the niqab not long after her reversion.  And she has never looked back!  But most of us aren't like that.  And we should never hold ourselves to someone else's standard.  We are as Allah made us and as He wishes us to be.  Be patient and merciful with yourself, as Allah is patient and merciful with you.

On this blog I have many economical and easy ways to incorporate Muslim clothing into your wardrobe.  Just one piece can offer you many new outfits and ways to show your Muslim identity.  Check them out!

• 15 Ways to Have New Clothes for Eid with Little $ or Time
• Refashion: Scarf Tunic
• Refashion: 15 Minute Kaftan

Watch for many more.  This is my favorite kind of post to write!

So after a lot of thought, I decided that "frumpy" (or "scruffy") is actually all in your head.  It is a feeling that is based on what clothing we are the most comfortable in.  To get out of the "frumpy" mindset, you need to slowly incorporate new clothing into your existing wardrobe and give yourself time to adjust to them.  Take time to learn the special skills need to wear them and feel confident.  Take time to learn to appreciate your new silhouette and style as one given by Allah, not 5th Ave.  Don't stop looking at those beautiful hijabi pics.  Just don't expect them to be reality.  Use them to learn and reset your view of beauty.  

You may still look "frumpy" to your friends and family.  But remember that they have different goals for wearing clothing than you do.  Non-Muslims wear clothes to impress people.  To show off their bodies.  For comfort.  Lots of reasons.  As Muslims we wear our clothing to please Allah.  Regardless of other trivial concerns.  For in the life of a Muslimah, Allah is what matters most of all.